Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood
Listen with the heart of Christ
True understanding comes from active listening and empathy. This habit encourages us to seek first to understand others before making ourselves understood. In doing so, we reflect the compassion of Jesus and build stronger, more meaningful relationships.
Explanation of the Habit
To seek first to understand is to enter conversations with humility and a willingness to truly hear others. It means listening not just to words, but to emotions, needs, and intentions. As Catholics, this habit models the selfless love Christ shows us—a love that listens, cares, and responds with wisdom and grace.
Personal Story
During a ministry meeting, tensions rose over differing ideas about an event. I had strong opinions, but I could see frustration building around the room. Instead of asserting my viewpoint, I paused and invited others to share their thoughts first. What followed was a rich discussion where everyone felt heard. By the time it was my turn to speak, the group was more receptive. In the end, our collaboration produced a better outcome than I could have imagined. I learned that listening first builds trust and opens hearts.
Reflection
Do I listen to others with the intent to understand, or to reply?
How can I show Christ’s love through active listening?
Are there relationships that could be healed through better understanding?
Action Items
Pause and Pray: Before a difficult conversation, pray for the grace to listen with compassion.
Use Reflective Listening: Repeat back what you hear to confirm understanding and show respect.
Limit Distractions: Be fully present in conversations—put away devices and make eye contact.
Ask Clarifying Questions: Seek deeper understanding by asking sincere questions before offering advice or opinions.
Closing Encouragement
When we listen with Christ’s heart, we open the door to deeper relationships and greater healing. By seeking first to understand, we become instruments of God’s peace in a world that often rushes to be heard. Choose empathy today and let love lead the conversation.